Rough Drafts

So, I was looking back at some of the Blog posts that I have started in the past but never actually finished. I would start typing and just realize that much of what I was saying was just to complicated and way to long to post. However, I have decided to go ahead post some of these feelings or rants or testimonies even though they are not finished or complete. These feelings have been part of my struggle and are a part of who I am.

It might not make much sense or logically final but here goes . . .

For most of my life I was caught up in a religious system that hindered my faith and would have kept me from following God's plan for my life had not a great miracle happened in my life. Now, I would not change those experiences for anything because it was from being in that environment that allowed me to meet my wife and some of the greatest friends in the world. So not everything was bad, but . . .

The problem? I was dead mentally and spiritually. It was not until I got to the lowest point in my life that I started searching God's word for truth. Still, the culture that I grew up in kept me in constant fear and bondage because of my perception of what living for God was. See, and I am not sure that I was ever actually taught this, but it is what I came to believe and what the majority of the United Pentecostal Church believes, but I was taught that salvation was something that we did. Salvation was basically a three-step formula that had to be followed exactly in order to accomplish our new birth. So, probably three years ago I decided that I couldn't take it anymore. I had to get my life right with God and find answers to the double standards, contradictions, and a whole bunch of other issues that I knew were not sound biblical doctrine.

The change first began when, my sister sent me the entire audio from Dan Seagraves class at CLC on Romans and Galatians. Yes, I know that he is a three-stepper but the way he taught the class changed my life forever. I cried many times listening to him teach as I learned about the grace of God that I had somehow missed in my 20 plus years in the UPC. This got me to really thinking about other issues that I had always been taught. See, how could we be saved by faith yet not be saved until we performed a series of steps. It just didn't make sense and was against everything that the gospel means.

However, I loved my pentecostal heritage and the fact that we were a separate people. I loved the worship and at the same time I was searching for a spiritual breakthrough that I thought I needed in order to be saved. Yes, I had been in the UPC all my life, played guitar on the platform, and followed every standard and rule. Still, I was not convinced that I had ever spoken in tongues. I feared the altar call and the frenzy that went on and I couldn't make myself go "pray through". I was searching for something but I didn't know what it was. Either I could fake it and go along with something that I knew wasn't totally right or I could start looking for something else.

In the meantime I was starting to feel the burden for lost souls and I knew that I could not teach others something that I didn't 100% believe in. The scripture is very clear that we are justified by faith and that we are made holy by what Christ did and not by what we do.

NEVER TO LATE?

Maybe I am a little old to be learning childish dances but I am pushing myself to learn more. Forget the CPA exam I am learning the Cupid Shuffle.

Honesty, Is it Honestly Possible?

Is real honesty possible? Do we get so caught up in what we want to believe about others that all we care is our own perception? Would it hurt us so bad to look at others as they really are and not what we want out of them? Can we not just for once look past their human faults and love then as Christ loves? Better yet, why can't those who have loved me for years not rejoice when God does great things in my life just because these things don't fit their religious template?

In the last few months I have been convinced that many that I thought I could depend on really didn't love and respect the real me. They only loved who they thought I was. Once I started to change, and yes it has been the greatest change of my life, I found out that they could not handle the new me. I am not even sure what it is that they want. Truly if I knew how to please them I probably would try.

I guess I made the mistake of expecting that they would actually care about about my journey and want to share in that journey. I believe that God puts people in our life for a season and purpose and when that time ends it is painful but for the best.

To all those folks out there who are my true friend, and you know who you are, thank you. You accepted me for who I was and who I am now. You were there during the greatest transformation of my life and I have no doubt that I can trust and be honesty with you all.

I sang in church this Sunday. Not for the first time but it was really the first time that I actually sang a full song all the way through. I sang "Whatever Your Doing," by Sanctus Real. Kim sang backup vocal with me while REMIX band provided the music with special guest Robert Petko on the keys. See, I have needed a good acoustic for a long time so the church bought a great Taylor DN3 guitar. This guitar sounded so good I was almost overwhelmed by the tone and the "colors" of sound that came from this guitar.

Well, the guitar came to my office Friday so that left me no time to practice with the band. So, Saturday night Kim and I practiced for a few minutes just to see if I could even sing it. It was a leap of faith to even try this song but the song meant so much to me that I had to give it a try. The guys played the song with only about five minutes of practice and we just rocked out for Jesus. I gave it everything I had and I hope a few folks were blessed by the song.

The past few weeks we have been doing the worship music for some other churches. First, Gamari Baptist and then New Life Church of God. Then we played at "The Way." The Way is probably one of the coolest churches I have ever stepped foot in. They are located in the old Hwy 1-82 cemima. I jokingly said as we walked in, "wonder if they serve popcorn." They not only had popcorn but hotdogs and fountain drinks. The only downside to the service was the opening countdown video of a rollercoaster ride on the huge movie screen. I felt myself getting a little sick and had to leave to get some fresh air.

Once the service started we sang our hearts out and worshiped our savior with our music for about thirty minutes. The crowd was great and I could hear them singing the songs along with us with great enthusiasm. There was a poweful message and altar call that followed. There was a true love and christlike spirit of unity that we shared with the folks at The Way that just lets me know that great things are happening in the body of Christ in the Mississippi Delta.

Week of unity with Gamari Baptist and New Life Church of God

Last week some of our youth, Jason, and the Remix band (me, josh, austin, and kim) joined up with around five other churches to gather together and worship our Saviour over at Gamari Baptist. We were invited to do the worship music and for thirty minutes we just rocked out for Jesus. Kim sang most of the songs but I did sing a couple of my favorites, You Are My Joy (David Crowder) and Jesus, I Surrender (Jeff Deyo)

I expected a few people to be there but I was not expecting a church packed to capacity. What an amazing feeling of unity that I felt. Brotherly love, true Christlike love was evident in the worship that ushered in the presence of God. Youth pastor John Gentry spoke for a few minutes about how, WE are the church and that even though we might all go to different places on Sunday that we were truly the body of Christ. He ended with a challenge that if we are to change the delta then we must spend time in prayer and come together with a vision of unity and become passionate about our relationship with God.

Then Friday night we headed over to New Life Church of God. We played a couple of songs and then just sat back and enjoyed God's presence while the other groups led in worship. It was so nice to actually have a chance to worship. New Life has a great sound system and did some cool powerpoint videos.

We met some great people and hopefully some new friends. I can't wait to fellowship like this again.

God? Is that you?

I was feeling a little down and not myself last night and this morning. So, I was trying to figure out what was wrong with me. I am, like, I never get depressed or anything. But I was feeling kind of spiritual/emotional/weird and I am thinking that maybe I need to just take some time and feel after God. You know maybe, . . . pray. Well, someone emailed me this song last night and so I decided to listen to it. The message of this song really touched me. I am not claiming to be super-spiritual or anything (I do have a reputation to uphold) but lately it just seems like the message of Christ is very, very close.

Bachelorette - TRUE ROMANTIC

So I have to admit a really embarrassing secret. I watched this season of the Bachelorette. I mean every single episode, including one recorded by my old VCR with a tape from like 1987.

DeAnna's is an all around beautiful girl with a very honest personality that kept my attention. She treated everyone with respect but didn't take any crap from anybody (very sexy). Her Greek good looks and dark hair kept my interest. Even her flaws were hot! Plus, Sandra was going to watch it no matter what so I had better learn to like it real fast!

So I learned to read DeAnna from like the second episode. She could not hide her emotions. Sidenote: In the past year I have learned to understand others feeling and emotions. This is part of my personal growth and all that new-age psychobabble that we are learning at church. Her forced-interest-fake-smile was so easy to catch. If you saw it you could guarantee the guy was gone. With Graham being the exception I picked every guy who would leave and who would stay all the way down to Jesse. In fact, I picked Jesse three weeks ago. The only reason I messed up on Graham is because she was so into him and his bad guy image. Plus, they fought the whole time. Girls like the bad guys, it is simple as that, but she was able to substitute Jesse's as her new "bad guy".

So we get to the end last night and I tell Sandra like I have told her for three weeks, Jesse is the one she is in love with. And would you believe she picks Jesse, Yes!!! I win. I know all about true love and all that girly stuff and for once and for all I am the man of the house . . . ha ha ha . . . ha . . . ha . . . (she is giving me a really evil look) Who cares, it is just a TV show, . . . right? Yeah, . . . well I wasn't expecting Sandra to have a complete emotional breakdown over this. So while the TV survived the impact, the remote control will have to be replaced and I will be ok because it wasn't a direct hit.

But hey,



I WAS RIGHT!!! ]:-)

Random Pictures

So, as everyone knows I have this new haircut. I have Jason (he cut my hair) and Kim (she was goading me into it, you can check out her picture here) to thank for this. I am not sure if I really like it because it is such a change but . . . I don't hate it as much now as I did a week ago. Radical change isn't always bad, especially for me as I have this problem with getting stuck in a rut. Here are the before and after pics.

Then we went camping at Tishomingo state park way up in north Mississippi. We hiked, rock climbed, and went on a canoe trip. The trip flew by so fast. Jason Provine is writing a story about our adventures on his myspace page .

Yesterday I was talking with someone and they told me that I should only go to a church that preached "truth". Truth meaning that only a church that Baptized while having a minister speak the name of Jesus over and taught that speaking in tongues was a requirement for salvation. Many of my friends and family believe that a person must repent, be baptized (only in the name of Jesus), and speak in tongues before they can be saved.

While I do agree with being baptized and speaking in tongues in a christian life, I guess I just prefer that our focus be on the gospel and the saving message of the gospel of Jesus Christ. We must be careful not to add to the gospel with our own personal experiences. We must consistently go to the word of God for our answers and allow the Holy Spirit to guide us in all areas of our life.

So I happened to find some scriptures that focus on salvation and I thought I would post them.

• John 10:9 I am the door: by me if any man enter in, he shall be saved, and
  shall go in and out, and find pasture.
• Acts 4:12 Neither is there salvation in any other: for there is none other name under heaven given among men, whereby we must be saved.
• Acts 15:11But we believe that through the grace of the LORD Jesus
  Christ we shall be saved, even as they.
• Acts 2:21And it shall come to pass, that whosoever shall call on the name of the Lord shall be saved.
• Acts 16:31And they said, Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and thou shalt be saved, and thy house.
• Romans 10:9 That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and
  shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt
  be saved. Romans 10:10For with the heart man believeth unto righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation.
• Romans 6:23For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.
• John 3:14-1614 And as Moses lifted up the serpent in the wilderness, even so must the Son of man be lifted up: 15 That whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have eternal life. 16 For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that
  whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.
• John 5:24Verily, verily, I say unto you, He that heareth my word, and believeth on him that sent me, hath everlasting life, and shall not come into condemnation; but is passed from death unto life.
• John 6:40And this is the will of him that sent me, that every one which seeth the Son, and believeth on him, may have everlasting life: and I will raise him up at the last day.
• John 6:47Verily, verily, I say unto you, He that believeth on me hath everlasting life.
• Acts 19:4Then said Paul, John verily baptized with the baptism of repentance, saying unto the people, that they should believe on him which should come after him, that is, on
  Christ Jesus.
• Mark 1:14-1514 Now after that John was put in prison, Jesus came
  into Galilee, preaching the gospel of the kingdom of God, 15 and saying, The
  time is fulfilled, and the kingdom of God is at hand: repent ye, and believe the
  gospel.
• Mark 6:12And they went out, and preached that men should repent.
• Luke 13:5I tell you, Nay: but, except ye repent, ye shall all likewise perish.
• Luke 15:7I say unto you, that likewise joy shall be in heaven over one sinner that repenteth, more than over ninety and nine just persons, which need no repentance.
• Luke 15:10Likewise, I say unto you, there is joy in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner that repenteth.
• Luke 24:47And that repentance and remission of sins should be preached in his name among all nations, beginning at Jerusalem.
• Acts 2:38Then Peter said unto them, Repent, and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ for the remission of sins, and ye shall receive the gift of the Holy Ghost.
• Acts 3:19Repent ye therefore, and be converted, that your sins may be blotted out,when the times of refreshing shall come from the presence of the Lord.
• Acts 11:18When they heard these things, they held their peace, and glorified God, saying, Then hath God also to the Gentiles granted repentance unto life.
• Acts 20:21Testifying both to the Jews, and also to the Greeks, repentance toward God, and faith toward our Lord Jesus Christ.
• Acts 26:20But shewed first unto them of Damascus, and at Jerusalem, and throughoutall the coasts of Judaea, and then to the Gentiles, that they should repent and turn to God, and do works meet for repentance.
• 2 Corinthians 7:10For godly sorrow worketh repentance to salvation not to be repented
  of: but the sorrow of the world worketh death.
• Hebrews 6:1Therefore leaving the principles of the doctrine of Christ, let us go on unto perfection; not laying again the foundation of repentance from dead works, and of faith toward God
• John 1:17For the law was given by Moses, but grace and truth came by Jesus Christ.
• Romans 4 (Whole Chapter)
• Romans 4:16Therefore it is of faith, that it might be by grace; to the
  end the promise might be sure to all the seed; not to that only which is of the
  law, but to that also which is of the faith of Abraham; who is the father of us
  all,
• Romans 9:11(For the children being not yet born, neither having done any
  good or evil, that the purpose of God according to election might stand, not of
  works, but of him that calleth;)
• Romans 9:32Wherefore? Because they sought it not by faith, but as it were by the works of the law. For they stumbled at that stumbling stone;
• Galatians 2:16Knowing that a man is not justified by the works of the law, but by the faith of Jesus Christ, even we have believed in Jesus Christ, that we might be justified by the faith of Christ, and not by the works of the law: for by the works of the law shall no
  flesh be justified.
• Galatians 3:10For as many as are of the works of the law are under the curse: for it is written, Cursed is every one that continueth not in all things which are written in
  the book of the law to do them.
• Ephesians 2 (Whole Chapter) 4 But God, who is
  rich in mercy, for his great love wherewith he loved us, 5 Even when we were
  dead in sins, hath quickened us together with Christ, (by grace ye are saved;) 8
  For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the
  gift of God: 9 Not of works, lest any man should boast.13 But now in Christ
  Jesus ye who sometimes were far off are made nigh by the blood of Christ. 14 For
  he is our peace, who hath made both one, and hath broken down the middle wall of
  partition between us; 15 Having abolished in his flesh the enmity, even the law
  of commandments contained in ordinances; for to make in himself of twain one new
  man, so making peace; 16 And that he might reconcile both unto God in one body
  by the cross, having slain the enmity thereby: 17 And came and preached peace to
  you which were afar off, and to them that were nigh. 18 For through him we both
  have access by one Spirit unto the Father.
• 2 Timothy 1:9 Who hath saved us, and called us with an holy calling, not according to our works, but according to his own purpose and grace, which was given us in Christ Jesus before the world began
• Titus 2:11For the grace of God that bringeth salvation hath appeared to all men,
• Titus 3:5Not by works of righteousness which we have done, but according to his mercy
  he saved us, by the washing of regeneration, and renewing of the Holy Ghost
• Titus 3:7That being justified by his grace, we should be made heirs according to the hope of eternal life.
• Ephesians 1:7In whom we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness
  of sins, according to the riches of his grace;
• Acts 15:11But we believe that through the grace of the LORD Jesus Christ we shall be saved, even as they.
• Romans 3:24Being justified freely by his grace through the redemption that
  is in Christ Jesus:
• Romans 5:2By whom also we have access by faith into this
  grace wherein we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God.
• Romans 5:20 Moreover the law entered, that the offence might abound. But where sin
  abounded, grace did much more abound:Romans 5:21That as sin hath reigned unto
  death, even so might grace reign through righteousnessunto eternal life by Jesus Christ our Lord.
• Romans 11:6And if by grace, then is it no more of works: otherwise grace is
  no more grace. But if it be of works, then it is no more grace: otherwise work
  is no more work.
• Galatians 1:6I marvel that ye are so soon removed from him that
  called you into the grace of Christ unto another gospel:2:18 For if I build
  again the things which I destroyed, I make myself a transgressor. 19 For I
  through the law am dead to the law, that I might live unto God. 20 I am
  crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life
  which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved
  me, and gave himself for me. 21 I do not frustrate the grace of God: for if
  righteousness come by the law, then Christ is dead in vain.3:2 This only would I
  learn of you, Received ye the Spirit by the works of the law, or by the hearing
  of faith? 11 But that no man is justified by the law in the sight of God, it is
  evident: for, The just shall live by faith. 23 But before faith came, we were
  kept under the law, shut up unto the faith which should afterwards be revealed.
  24 Wherefore the law was our schoolmaster to bring us unto Christ, that we might
  be justified by faith. 25 But after that faith is come, we are no longer under a
  schoolmaster. 26 For ye are all the children of God by faith in Christ Jesus.
• Eph 5:1 Stand fast therefore in the liberty wherewith Christ hath made us free, and be not
  entangled again with the yoke of bondage. 4 Christ is become of no effect unto
  you, whosoever of you are justified by the law; ye are fallen from grace.5 For
  we through the Spirit wait for the hope of righteousness by faith.
• 1 Peter 1:13Wherefore gird up the loins of your mind, be sober, and hope to the end for
  the grace that is to be brought unto you at the revelation of Jesus Christ
• Romans 9:16So then it is not of him that willeth, nor of him that runneth, but of God that sheweth mercy.
• Romans 11:32For God hath concluded them all in unbelief, that he might have mercy upon
  all.
• Ephesians 2:44 But God, who is rich in mercy, for his great love wherewith he loved us, 5 Even when we were dead in sins, hath quickened us together with
  Christ, (by grace ye are saved;)
• James 2:13For he shall have judgment without mercy, that hath shewed no mercy; and mercy rejoiceth against judgment.
• 1 Peter 1:3Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, which according to his abundant mercy hath begotten us again unto a lively hope by the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead,
• 1 Peter 2:10Which in time past were not a people, but are now the people of God: which had not obtained mercy, but now have obtained mercy.
• Revelation 3:20Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my
  voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he
  with me.

Tax Season

Wow, this has been a very fast tax season. I still have a ton of work to do and only two weeks to finish. Hopefully, when it is over I will have more time to document some of my thoughts.

I am finding that the peace that I have in Jesus Christ has made so many other areas in my life easier. Who would have thought that a benefit of changing churches and getting out of the United Pentecostal Church would have such a huge impact on my life outside of church? While in my former church I knew that many things didn't line up with the Bible. There was always this pressure to try to defend or explain certain beliefs that I didn't believe in the first place. I thank God every single day that he provided a way for me and my family to leave.

If any of you are curious about the UPC and it's beliefs you can visit some websites that deal with the culture and beliefs of the UPC. If you are a member of a UPC church or another performance based religion and feel you need some help, please don't give up on God or your faith in Jesus Christ.

• I would highly recommend the book, Christianity Without the Cross, for anyone interested in the history of the United Pentecostal Church.
  

• This site deals with some of the spiritual abuse that happens within many churches. www.spiritualabuse.org
  
• Apostolic Friends Forum is a really cool place where you can learn more about folks from the UPC and there are a lot of ex-UPC folks there.
  

If you need any help while in the UPC or are looking for answers in you walk with God you can contact me through the comments section of the site.