Miscellaneous

Movies. All this time I really thought I hated watching movies because I couldn't pay attention. I mean I really have a hard time keeping up with what is happening when a DVD is playing but watch regular TV with no problem. Well, I bought a new LCD HD TV and for the first time actually enjoyed watching a movie. Just think, this whole time I had diagnosed myself with ADD when all along it was the TV.

The Gospel. I find myself realizing that the only thing that will ultimately help people and humanity is the true Gospel of Jesus Christ. Not the prosperity gospel, not the speaking and tongues and falling out gospel, not the Acts 2:38 or water baptism gospel, or any other man centered gospel, but the good news that God sent his only son for die for us while we were still sinners. Complete faith and total surrender to the one who has purchased us as his reward in which we can trust that our justification, sanctification, and glorification is a gift from him and a part of his plan from the foundation of the world.

The Climb. I like this song by Miley Cyrus. I know it sounds childish but I do.

Friends. I miss having a real conversations with my friends. I love discussing the deep meanings of life and pondering the reasons for everything with open minded people. Lately everyone has just been so busy with life, church, and family that it is hard to get together . . . I am the worse person at keeping up with the folks I love the most.

Lately I Been Thinking

It has been five months since I last posted anything. It is not that I don't have thoughts or things that I want to talk about but that there is so much change within myself that I can't necessarily figure it all out. Only after looking back at the last month, or six months, or years do I see the magnitude of the change in my life. Does anyone else realize the change, I doubt it, sometimes I don't see it myself. But, (and I pause because) . . . there has been great change. And I think that I can almost begin to express it in some way.

Fulfillment, passion/love, and rest. This seems to be the theme of my life at the moment. All three mashed up together and yet very distinct elements of myself with each dependent on the other . . . maybe a "trinity" of sorts. :) This is where I am right now. It is only with a personal look from where I came (the past) to where I am now (the future) that I stand in utter, complete amazement and a healthy fear at the greatness of Him. That a perfect God with complete foreknowledge before the foundation of it all was just waiting for the time when he would reach down and awaken me from death and into life more abundant.

It is all so amazing yet so hard to explain. How can I be at rest and be passionate and how can I be fulfilled if I have this passion pulling at me? Is it possible to find complete rest yet want to go full steam ahead with life and living to the fullest of what that God has for me? Is it possible to love so deeply yet not feel the pains and anxiety that usually go along with "falling in love"? Just to love without the anticipation or worry that I am being loved back. Can I be passionate for something without out the worry that I might be the only one who gives a care?

So this is where I am right now. I don't know if it makes sense or not but I am going to spend a little time examining these things in the next few blogs.

Rough Drafts

So, I was looking back at some of the Blog posts that I have started in the past but never actually finished. I would start typing and just realize that much of what I was saying was just to complicated and way to long to post. However, I have decided to go ahead post some of these feelings or rants or testimonies even though they are not finished or complete. These feelings have been part of my struggle and are a part of who I am.

It might not make much sense or logically final but here goes . . .

For most of my life I was caught up in a religious system that hindered my faith and would have kept me from following God's plan for my life had not a great miracle happened in my life. Now, I would not change those experiences for anything because it was from being in that environment that allowed me to meet my wife and some of the greatest friends in the world. So not everything was bad, but . . .

The problem? I was dead mentally and spiritually. It was not until I got to the lowest point in my life that I started searching God's word for truth. Still, the culture that I grew up in kept me in constant fear and bondage because of my perception of what living for God was. See, and I am not sure that I was ever actually taught this, but it is what I came to believe and what the majority of the United Pentecostal Church believes, but I was taught that salvation was something that we did. Salvation was basically a three-step formula that had to be followed exactly in order to accomplish our new birth. So, probably three years ago I decided that I couldn't take it anymore. I had to get my life right with God and find answers to the double standards, contradictions, and a whole bunch of other issues that I knew were not sound biblical doctrine.

The change first began when, my sister sent me the entire audio from Dan Seagraves class at CLC on Romans and Galatians. Yes, I know that he is a three-stepper but the way he taught the class changed my life forever. I cried many times listening to him teach as I learned about the grace of God that I had somehow missed in my 20 plus years in the UPC. This got me to really thinking about other issues that I had always been taught. See, how could we be saved by faith yet not be saved until we performed a series of steps. It just didn't make sense and was against everything that the gospel means.

However, I loved my pentecostal heritage and the fact that we were a separate people. I loved the worship and at the same time I was searching for a spiritual breakthrough that I thought I needed in order to be saved. Yes, I had been in the UPC all my life, played guitar on the platform, and followed every standard and rule. Still, I was not convinced that I had ever spoken in tongues. I feared the altar call and the frenzy that went on and I couldn't make myself go "pray through". I was searching for something but I didn't know what it was. Either I could fake it and go along with something that I knew wasn't totally right or I could start looking for something else.

In the meantime I was starting to feel the burden for lost souls and I knew that I could not teach others something that I didn't 100% believe in. The scripture is very clear that we are justified by faith and that we are made holy by what Christ did and not by what we do.

NEVER TO LATE?

Maybe I am a little old to be learning childish dances but I am pushing myself to learn more. Forget the CPA exam I am learning the Cupid Shuffle.

Honesty, Is it Honestly Possible?

Is real honesty possible? Do we get so caught up in what we want to believe about others that all we care is our own perception? Would it hurt us so bad to look at others as they really are and not what we want out of them? Can we not just for once look past their human faults and love then as Christ loves? Better yet, why can't those who have loved me for years not rejoice when God does great things in my life just because these things don't fit their religious template?

In the last few months I have been convinced that many that I thought I could depend on really didn't love and respect the real me. They only loved who they thought I was. Once I started to change, and yes it has been the greatest change of my life, I found out that they could not handle the new me. I am not even sure what it is that they want. Truly if I knew how to please them I probably would try.

I guess I made the mistake of expecting that they would actually care about about my journey and want to share in that journey. I believe that God puts people in our life for a season and purpose and when that time ends it is painful but for the best.

To all those folks out there who are my true friend, and you know who you are, thank you. You accepted me for who I was and who I am now. You were there during the greatest transformation of my life and I have no doubt that I can trust and be honesty with you all.

I sang in church this Sunday. Not for the first time but it was really the first time that I actually sang a full song all the way through. I sang "Whatever Your Doing," by Sanctus Real. Kim sang backup vocal with me while REMIX band provided the music with special guest Robert Petko on the keys. See, I have needed a good acoustic for a long time so the church bought a great Taylor DN3 guitar. This guitar sounded so good I was almost overwhelmed by the tone and the "colors" of sound that came from this guitar.

Well, the guitar came to my office Friday so that left me no time to practice with the band. So, Saturday night Kim and I practiced for a few minutes just to see if I could even sing it. It was a leap of faith to even try this song but the song meant so much to me that I had to give it a try. The guys played the song with only about five minutes of practice and we just rocked out for Jesus. I gave it everything I had and I hope a few folks were blessed by the song.

The past few weeks we have been doing the worship music for some other churches. First, Gamari Baptist and then New Life Church of God. Then we played at "The Way." The Way is probably one of the coolest churches I have ever stepped foot in. They are located in the old Hwy 1-82 cemima. I jokingly said as we walked in, "wonder if they serve popcorn." They not only had popcorn but hotdogs and fountain drinks. The only downside to the service was the opening countdown video of a rollercoaster ride on the huge movie screen. I felt myself getting a little sick and had to leave to get some fresh air.

Once the service started we sang our hearts out and worshiped our savior with our music for about thirty minutes. The crowd was great and I could hear them singing the songs along with us with great enthusiasm. There was a poweful message and altar call that followed. There was a true love and christlike spirit of unity that we shared with the folks at The Way that just lets me know that great things are happening in the body of Christ in the Mississippi Delta.

Week of unity with Gamari Baptist and New Life Church of God

Last week some of our youth, Jason, and the Remix band (me, josh, austin, and kim) joined up with around five other churches to gather together and worship our Saviour over at Gamari Baptist. We were invited to do the worship music and for thirty minutes we just rocked out for Jesus. Kim sang most of the songs but I did sing a couple of my favorites, You Are My Joy (David Crowder) and Jesus, I Surrender (Jeff Deyo)

I expected a few people to be there but I was not expecting a church packed to capacity. What an amazing feeling of unity that I felt. Brotherly love, true Christlike love was evident in the worship that ushered in the presence of God. Youth pastor John Gentry spoke for a few minutes about how, WE are the church and that even though we might all go to different places on Sunday that we were truly the body of Christ. He ended with a challenge that if we are to change the delta then we must spend time in prayer and come together with a vision of unity and become passionate about our relationship with God.

Then Friday night we headed over to New Life Church of God. We played a couple of songs and then just sat back and enjoyed God's presence while the other groups led in worship. It was so nice to actually have a chance to worship. New Life has a great sound system and did some cool powerpoint videos.

We met some great people and hopefully some new friends. I can't wait to fellowship like this again.