It has been five months since I last posted anything. It is not that I don't have thoughts or things that I want to talk about but that there is so much change within myself that I can't necessarily figure it all out. Only after looking back at the last month, or six months, or years do I see the magnitude of the change in my life. Does anyone else realize the change, I doubt it, sometimes I don't see it myself. But, (and I pause because) . . . there has been great change. And I think that I can almost begin to express it in some way.
Fulfillment, passion/love, and rest. This seems to be the theme of my life at the moment. All three mashed up together and yet very distinct elements of myself with each dependent on the other . . . maybe a "trinity" of sorts. :) This is where I am right now. It is only with a personal look from where I came (the past) to where I am now (the future) that I stand in utter, complete amazement and a healthy fear at the greatness of Him. That a perfect God with complete foreknowledge before the foundation of it all was just waiting for the time when he would reach down and awaken me from death and into life more abundant.
It is all so amazing yet so hard to explain. How can I be at rest and be passionate and how can I be fulfilled if I have this passion pulling at me? Is it possible to find complete rest yet want to go full steam ahead with life and living to the fullest of what that God has for me? Is it possible to love so deeply yet not feel the pains and anxiety that usually go along with "falling in love"? Just to love without the anticipation or worry that I am being loved back. Can I be passionate for something without out the worry that I might be the only one who gives a care?
So this is where I am right now. I don't know if it makes sense or not but I am going to spend a little time examining these things in the next few blogs.
1 comment:
Beautitful. I could even tell it from your writing style. I totally agree with you.
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